A PRIMEIRA PERDA

By 20 de março de 2018 abril 5th, 2019 #SopaDePai

As pessoas importantes da nossa vida moram no nosso coração, filho. A dor de perder um amigo é grande, choramos, sentimos um vazio infinito, mas ela se transforma em algo que não sei dizer bem o que é.  

Meus sogros moram na praia. Vamos todos os finais de semana pra lá. Enrique fez amizade com vários garotos na rua. Mas tinha um especial, que morava em nossa casa. Sua mãe era cozinheira de mão cheia. Gabriel tem 9 anos. Enrique, 7. Os dois acordavam juntos, dormiam juntos, nadavam, comiam, jogavam bola, tomavam caldo no mar, tudo juntos. Fizeram uma infinidade de aventuras ao longo dos finais de semana e das férias. Juntos, descobriram, pela primeira vez, o valor da amizade. Descobriram que são as amizades que nos fazem crescer com amor pela vida.  

Gabriel foi embora, filho. Sua mãe quis voltar pra sua cidade e eles tiveram de ir embora.  

Enrique paralisou, pela primeira vez, o olhar. Um olhar de tristeza, de melancolia, de dor no peito. Tentou falar algo, mas sua boca secou… junto com o meu coração. Segurei em sua mão, enquanto ele esboçava seu coração em pedaços. Ele me olhou: pra sempre, papai? Sim. Da maneira como era até hoje, não será mais, filho. Meus olhos e o da Gabi encheram de lágrimas por não conseguirmos segurar aquele menino que experimentava, pela primeira vez, o abismo da partida. Amanhã, quando formos à praia, ele não estará mais lá? Não, filho. Quem vai me treinar no futebol? Foi ele que me ensinou tudo o que sei! Quem vai entrar na piscina comigo e mergulhar até faltar o ar? Quem vai me fazer rir até ter dor de barriga? Eu estou sozinho agora! 

Paralisei. Como ele. Não temos o direito, como pais e mães, de preencher esse lugar, que é dos outros. Poderia até dizer que eu e Gabi o ajudaríamos no que precisasse para não se sentir só. Mas essa solidão é, também, estruturante! É difícil, como pai, admitir isso, porque pressupõe admitir que nossos filhos e filhas vão sofrer diante de nós, independentemente da nossa proteção. Sim, filho. Esse sentimento vai ficar com você até que ele se transforme em outras coisas.  

Ele me abraçou e desabou seu coração despedaçado em lágrimas de amor. Chorou até não ter mais lágrimas. Parou. Papai, vou brincar um pouquinho das coisas que aprendi com o meu amigo Gabriel. Levantou-se e foi.  

#SopaDePai #🔵🔵🔵  

Marcelo Cunha Bueno é educador há mais de 20 anos, inspirado pelo chão da Escola, especialista em desenvolvimento infantil. 

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